It’s getting messy …

“No more rewrites please! … My script is in a terrible mess,” that was the plea from one of the cast after another had asked for some changes. “Just noticed you have changed some lines in the last scene.  I am learning this scene now so I hope this isn’t going to change any more?” That was the plea from the actor who had, er, asked for the changes in the first place. (more…)

July 12, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Blogging, Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing, Theatre. 5 comments.

For once, men are the bit players

“I gave up acting in my 30s. The parts were getting harder to find,” my cousin’s wife was telling me at a family party. She had enjoyed a successful acting career, taking her from regional theatres in the UK to TV roles, including a part in the TV comedy Only Fools and Horses. But she was echoing a sentiment that I had read on Facebook and in the Guardian newspaper in the same week. (more…)

July 9, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Blogging, Comedy, Comedy writing, Fiction, Humour, Theatre. 9 comments.

Learning a thing or two from Russ Abbot

“I can’t thank you enough for giving me the line: ‘Now pay attention, Bond’,” one of the actors said to me as he was playing around with accents. Great. But then he added: “What about adding in a joke around Basildon Bond [the stationers]?” That’s a groan gag, I said, trying not to groan. (more…)

July 5, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Fiction, Humour, Theatre. 18 comments.

Martini Bond’s big break

I noticed that something had gone into my junk mail box. And I always, I mean ALWAYS, check my junk mail. Because one day there won’t be that spam from Nigeria demanding money because your friend has purportedly been held up at gun-point. No, one day it will be your BIG BREAK. And it will be sitting in your junk mail box, ready for auto-deletion. (more…)

July 2, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Blogging, Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing, Theatre. 18 comments.

Does ‘sex’ attract the wrong crowd?

“We had a satisfying and funny rehearsal,” Helen Niland, the director of Martini Bond told me. The actor playing Bond girl Suzi Bazooki “showed off some of her various sexual positions. Twas a treat.” So the sex scenes are going well, then. Which is great. Because sex sells. I hope. (more…)

June 28, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , . Blogging, Comedy, Comedy writing, Fiction, Humour, Publishing. 9 comments.

You just can’t make it up

“Cern’s in France,” one of the cast of Martini Bond was telling me. “No, Switzerland,” I said. “France. My sister used to live there.” I quickly looked it up: “It’s on the Franco-Swiss border… Besides, it’s fiction, and I thought you could just make it up.” But one thing I’m learning is that you can’t. (more…)

June 25, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Blogging, Comedy, Comedy writing, Fiction, Humour, Publishing. 12 comments.

Bond villains’ pets…and meerkats

“We want to replace the meerkat with a plant,” the voice down the end of the phone said.

“What? WHAT?” My mind went blank. A member of the cast was asking for a minor script change. But I couldn’t think straight. Words failed me. The room swirled around me as I decided it was really best not to explode. (more…)

June 21, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Blogging, Books, Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 9 comments.

I’m on a roller coaster and it’s too late to get off

“I liken the lights going down as the play begins for the first time to being strapped into a roller coaster and just as it hits the first hill remembering that I hate roller coasters, but it’s too late to get off the ride.” I felt sick again. (more…)

May 24, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 4 comments.

Empty nest syndrome

I’m at a loose end. The first readthrough with the entire cast and director went extremely well on Saturday. “You’ve sharpened up the script,” they said. They could only pick out one groan gag which I need to freshen up and add in a couple more gags elsewhere. Hahaha (me laughing at my own jokes), or was it more hehehair (evil Bond villain laugh).

Then I said: “So when do you want the final script by?” The response was not what I was expecting. (more…)

May 14, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 11 comments.

Find your voice

At last, I’m getting close to a final draft of my play Martini Bond. Thought I was there a few weeks ago but it transpired I was nowhere near the final chapter. This has been a long haul. Five months, five drafts and counting. But a writer/colleague reminded me that that was nothing. It can take him years to write a book – the research, the rewrites, the rejections… The hardest thing for me has been the comedy: the laughs, the cries (of the jokes are so bad) and the puns (they’ve had to go). (more…)

May 9, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 11 comments.

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