Bond villains’ pets…and meerkats

“We want to replace the meerkat with a plant,” the voice down the end of the phone said.

“What? WHAT?” My mind went blank. A member of the cast was asking for a minor script change. But I couldn’t think straight. Words failed me. The room swirled around me as I decided it was really best not to explode. (more…)

June 21, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Blogging, Books, Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 9 comments.

How often should you blog?

How often do you blog? That’s what I would like to know from all my fellow bloggers. Ok, I’ve looked at many blogs – and they range from daily to monthly – and I’ve read the WordPress recommendations, but what do you actually do? (more…)

June 11, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , . Books, Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 29 comments.

I’m on a roller coaster and it’s too late to get off

“I liken the lights going down as the play begins for the first time to being strapped into a roller coaster and just as it hits the first hill remembering that I hate roller coasters, but it’s too late to get off the ride.” I felt sick again. (more…)

May 24, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 4 comments.

What makes you buy a book?

What makes you buy a book? I thought this was a simple enough question. The cover! It’s colours! The title! It’s colours…The blurb. It’s colours…Duh! The text is usually black.

Ok, the first chapter! Who doesn’t stand in the book shop and read? The ones with cafes are great. You can finish the novel and quietly put it back on the shelf. They used to be called libraries. Some of them are still called book shops – if you’re lucky enough to have one of those in your town. (more…)

May 22, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 19 comments.

Empty nest syndrome

I’m at a loose end. The first readthrough with the entire cast and director went extremely well on Saturday. “You’ve sharpened up the script,” they said. They could only pick out one groan gag which I need to freshen up and add in a couple more gags elsewhere. Hahaha (me laughing at my own jokes), or was it more hehehair (evil Bond villain laugh).

Then I said: “So when do you want the final script by?” The response was not what I was expecting. (more…)

May 14, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 11 comments.

Find your voice

At last, I’m getting close to a final draft of my play Martini Bond. Thought I was there a few weeks ago but it transpired I was nowhere near the final chapter. This has been a long haul. Five months, five drafts and counting. But a writer/colleague reminded me that that was nothing. It can take him years to write a book – the research, the rewrites, the rejections… The hardest thing for me has been the comedy: the laughs, the cries (of the jokes are so bad) and the puns (they’ve had to go). (more…)

May 9, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 11 comments.

Writing lines

I’ve visited a very interesting blog, 4am writer, where there is a writing exercise that bloggers are taking part in. I loved it so much I wanted to join in. The rules on 4am writer’s website are as follows: Open your novel-in-progress at page 77, go to line 7 and copy the next 7 lines, sentences or paragraphs as they are written. Oh, and then tag 7 new writers. The problem for me is that my play-in-progress is only 41 pages. So I thought perhaps I could do 50-50. Halve 77, roughly page 38, go to line 3 or 4, write the next few lines. (more…)

May 3, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 7 comments.

Stage fright

So everything’s starting to come together. The script is reaching its final stages…and I’m finding this the most nerve-wracking time in the process. I’ve taken on board most of what my script editor had to say. I’ve taken on board what the actors had to say and I’ve taken on board what joke writer Judy Walker, a former Sun newspaper cartoonist, also had to say. Even the bit about never wanting to see the script again… (more…)

April 29, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 4 comments.

Secret agent

While my second draft is festering in my drawer, I mean awaiting more feedback, I whiled away the time by looking into self-publishing versus finding an agent. My head is full of grand ideas to publish my play. I haven’t really gone beyond that and thought about whether anyone would actually want to buy it. Then of course I stumble across the sites that tell me you can self-publish, but frankly you probably won’t sell many copies. And it will all cost you money. (more…)

April 17, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Uncategorized. 9 comments.

War games

Having the family read through the second draft of Martini Bond was always going to be a drama. I just hadn’t realised how much of a warm-up we’d have before the reading. Mum and Dad had been left in charge of their nine-year-old grandson (my nephew) in the swimming pool. Mum and I had found him playing under the water in a jacuzzi. Of course, the fear of god was put into him with the tale of a girl who got her hair trapped in a grille and almost drowned. (more…)

April 13, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour, Publishing. 1 comment.

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