To catch a thief – and get our car back

I was going to blog today about how to write a sex scene. Thought it might be funny. But then my husband woke me up at 6am. “My car’s been stolen,” he said. “Check I’m not dreaming.” And I lost my sense of humour.

I ran outside in my pyjamas in the rain. No car. No glass. No nothing. It looked to me like they had either somehow got round the car’s software and driven it away – or lifted it onto a truck. “It won’t work without a key,” my husband said. He’d checked with the makers – BMW. They had told him the software was secure.

Now we have lost our transport for the props – oh yes, I was meant to be driving up to Manchester tomorrow with all the props. And the lighting and sound crew don’t have their lift back to London after the last show of Martini Bond. This weekend is the last time the cast will be performing Martini Bond: Her hunt for the spy who loved her mum. And we’re all on a tight budget.

So thanks a bundle, car thieves. You must really get some job satisfaction stealing from people who are trying to make a living. I’m usually against capital punishment, an eye for an eye and all that. But right now, I’m thinking may be Saudi Arabia are on to something.

Anyway, I just hope they can’t get the car to work.

What are your views on stealing? Are they modern-day Robin Hoods? Is it OK to steal from the rich? Or should we just chop their hands off? And what about stealing from the poor – or people who frankly just work? 

March 7, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , . Comedy, Comedy writing, Humour.


  1. The Laughing Housewife replied:

    Oh no! I’m so sorry.

    My view is that, though we could all do with sharing the wealth, a la Star Trek TNG where there’s no need for hunger, etc., no one has the right to steal from you.

    You work hard, you pay your taxes, you spend your money on what appeals to you. No one should begrudge you that, or get away with taking it from you.

    What will happen now re your performance? Lucky the props weren’t in the car.

    • WomanBitesDog replied:

      Thanks for your support. Now trying to work out what we do with props and crew…

  2. Leila replied:

    I once chased a kid who had snatched my purse for 3 blocks in Portugal. What was I going to do when I caught him? Sit on him until the police arrived. Of course that was the moment, I ruined my knee by tripping on a cobble stone hole and the brat got away.

    I hope you get your car back and that the miserable, rotten thieves have karma deliver a full-on dose of payback.

    Nope, thievery is not an acceptable way to earn a living.

    • WomanBitesDog replied:

      Thanks for your support. I like the karma thing. Hope your own knee recovered.

  3. Carrie Rubin replied:

    I’m so sorry to hear that! How horrible. I hope it turns up unscathed. What a crap way to start the day.

    • WomanBitesDog replied:

      Yes completely crap. And we’ve had to race round trying to sort rail tix for crew etc. Still in shock. But at least no one was hurt!

      • Carrie Rubin replied:

        Thank goodness for that. Good on you for seeing the positive in such a negative event.

      • WomanBitesDog replied:

        Yeah – I still want to chop their hands off…

      • Carrie Rubin replied:


  4. colonialist replied:

    I strongly believe in reforming criminals – if they are converted into dog food, then there is some use which comes out of them.
    It is a horrible sensation to find a space where one’s car should be.

  5. Pauline Guerin replied:

    My husband, your cousin, said ‘thieves should have their thumbs cut off, at the very least they should have a hammer to their knees, that way they can’t run. Harsh? no, sorry politically correct people, no I don’t think so, I think he’s right. No doubt you do too now. As a previous poster said, you pay your taxes, you work hard, you do the right thing, and then this….no, chop their balls off frankly….society has it all wrong right now, these people have no rights. Hope you see it back soon xxx

  6. terrytrekker replied:

    In the wild west in the US, horse thieves were hanged because the horse was a vital transportation mode. Today, law enforcement is lax. I’ve thought up several ways to stop car thieves, including boobytrapping the door, so when they open it, a can of faeces will spray into their faces. Just be careful you remember to turn off the alarm in the mornings. Once when I lived in a bad neighborhood, I took off two of my wheels each night.

  7. valeriedavies replied:

    I recognise that feeling of total disbelief… you just can’t believe it’s not there…. I hope it is so badly damaged or totally disappeared,so that the insurance coughs up a new car for you, and something good comes out of it…

  8. kateshrewsday replied:

    I’m so sorry! What a time to choose too…all the best for the last showing of Martini Bond. I would have lost my sense of humour in those circumstances too!

  9. jmmcdowell replied:

    Stealing like that is never acceptable. I can’t imagine how devastated I would feel. I hope you get it back in as good of condition as you left it or a brand spanking new car from the insurance.

    I hope you’ll be able to work out the logistics for the performance!

    • WomanBitesDog replied:

      Thanks. Have worked out logistics and now just trying to get over the horrible feeling

  10. jbw0123 replied:

    Sending car finding vibes from across the Atlantic!!!

  11. 4amWriter replied:

    Ugh, I got a pit in my stomach reading this. I really hope they don’t hurt your car before they are caught — and I really hope they’re caught! I don’t know what thieves think of when they do this kind of thing, how they can’t seem to understand (or care) that they are hurting someone else.

  12. WordsFallFromMyEyes replied:

    Hiya (love your blog name)

    I was reading your emboldened Qs what do we think on stealing? and then I read, “Is it okay to steal from the rich?” Didn’t know you are rich!

    But rich or poor, stealing is not right, no. It’s not “all right” to steal from the rich, but you do think the rich will get by – like, have another car ready to roll in this instance. It’s obvious you don’t have, and this is massively inconvenient – BELIEVE me, I know how inconvenient (but it’s bad stuff particularly (to me) if you have a creative job and this frustrates it) – and I’m truly sorry this has happened.

    I really hope by the time I’ve got round to this visit, you have your car back.

    Sincerely, N.

  13. vivinfrance replied:

    One of the reasons we left the UK was because we’d been the victims of too many crimes. On one occasion our stolen car was found not far away, minus engine, gearbox, steering wheel, wheels, seats but they left my old mac in the boot – the final insult!

  14. brittsocial replied:

    I am so sorry to hear this! I happened to come across your blog from #car thieves and I strongly believe that everyone needs a Priority1SafeCar device. My brother’s truck also got stolen from his house while sleeping and woke up to a missing vehicle just like you. It’s sad to say that we need to defend ourselves against car thieves, but we do since it’s easier than ever and the number of stolen vehicles is rising more than ever. If you would like more information about it so that it can never happen to you again, I will be glad to help!

  15. brittsocial replied:

    Reblogged this on Anti Theft for you and your Loved Ones and commented:
    I am so sorry to hear this! Unfortunately this is becoming a way too prevalent story being told by helpless car theft victims starting their day with a missing mode of transportation. My brother was one of those victims as well, along with this woman. I feel for you, and think we should all protect our vehicles and not let these criminals make a living anymore off of stolen property.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI

%d bloggers like this: