Does ‘sex’ attract the wrong crowd?

“We had a satisfying and funny rehearsal,” Helen Niland, the director of Martini Bond told me. The actor playing Bond girl Suzi Bazooki “showed off some of her various sexual positions. Twas a treat.” So the sex scenes are going well, then. Which is great. Because sex sells. I hope.

Helen hopes so too. She’s currently directing Conference Call, on at the Ecetera fringe theatre in London, July 16 to 22. And here’s the sex video: I mean sexy video. It’s a “very rough”, says Helen, but she says she’ll do a more “professional” one next week. I don’t think she means the sex.

The problem with marketing the sex though, is that we might attract the Wrong Crowd … But does that matter? Perhaps any crowd are fine as long as they pay for their tickets? No, that’s not sounding right.

What about hiring some celebrities to add a touch of glamour and guarantee press coverage? Hang on a minute, a billionaire prince, Brunei’s Prince Azim, has just done that – well may not hired them, but perhaps given them goodie bag that included a safari – and dental plan. I can’t afford that. But at least it sounds like it could be a plot development for Martini Bond: The Sequel.

On the other hand, I could just write SEX, SEX, SEX, and hope the search bots don’t think I’m spam. Or I could tweet #sex on Twitter. But that might not attract the right type. See Wrong Crowd (above). #Martini and #Bond seem quite good, except #anythingaboutbond seems to attract #Idontwanttohearanythingaboutbond or something like that.

By the way, we need stronger chairs. Apparently, the 69 position scene hurts the actor’s back. And they can’t do “IT” on the floor – no one would see. What’s the point in that? Perhaps there’s a hashtag for 69chairs? Do you think that would trend? Uh-oh, I’m back to Wrong Crowd (above).

June 28, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , . Blogging, Comedy, Comedy writing, Fiction, Humour, Publishing.


  1. fashionfretter replied:

    I didn’t want to watch the video link in case I get arrested. Also uncomfortable even reading your post with so many references to S-E-X. I still have to hide behind a pillow during kissy kissy scenes. So if it’s sex you’re selling – I’m out.

  2. granny1947 replied:

    Well, you got me over here so already you are attracting the wrong crowd/ 🙂

  3. jmmcdowell replied:

    What’s the old show business line? No publicity is bad publicity? 🙂 It’ll be interesting to see what kind of searches bring readers to this post! 😉

    • WomanBitesDog replied:

      Er, yeah. Let’s just say it was a bit of a sexual experiment – but I didn’t overtly tag it as such (back to Wrong Crowd)…

  4. Gina replied:

    Considering even Twinkle magazine for under 10s now has a Sex advice page is there such a thing as the Wrong Crowd anymore? Even Radio 4 is obsessed with fnarf frnaf lame sexual innuendoes. Make it comedy sex (as I’m sure you will,) or Fifty Shades of Silly Sex and hope that gets you the crowd you want!

  5. 4amWriter replied:

    This should definitely be an eye-opener. If you do attract the wrong crowd, then at least you know what works. Or doesn’t work. Or however you want to look at it.

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